“ART: MY CANVAS…”

My canvas,
for which,
I hate its negative space.
I become overcome
by the blankest sea of white.
Splash my blood for color,
my heart for words,
my touch for texture,
my hair for smell,
and my love for hate,
hate that I will love it in the end.
That is how my canvas will be created.
It will be an inspiration to all,
for it is my full expression.
Every moment that I peer at it,
purity will permit from it.
It will touch every 6th sense,
of all who I will share it with.
It will be a fix for every junkie,
and a trip for every straight.
My canvas...
will numb the negative pain,
yet wake the dead from slumber.
SSssssshhh it will whisper and grin,
for our faces will reflect
its light to its dark
sending out minds into a tunnel
of abstract shapes.
With my canvas,
you will not be alone...
It will have a luminous repulsiveness;
my canvas will have a drunk passion,
causing that deep dizzy spell.
Look at it now,
can you feel it?
What does it feel like to you?

“STRAWBERRY SHAKE…”

Been awhile,
hope you're safe,
using time,
having fait.
Miss your face,
can hear your voice,
it's soft like lace,
it's just my choice.
--------------------------------------------
Talking to you helps me think,
you're my air bubble,
your worth a double blink.
Strawberry shake,
it's cold but yummy,
sweet like you,
but only you're warm and fuzzy.
Over our strawberry shake,
I figured things out,
you have a selective memory,
of things that make me shout.
I won't tell you not to worry,
I'll let things be,
but know this now,
I'll let the good come from me.
Take a sip of your strawberry shake,
mmm isn't it good?
Creamy and fruity,
there's all I can take.
Glad we got to talk,
It's really what I wanted,
even on my "walk",
though words were all I flaunted.
But I spoke clearly once again,
finally got it out,
I want to know everything about you,
well, almost everything without a doubt.
Cheers to our strawberry shake,
for during those moments,
it might have been our connection piece,
that held us together,
as I wanted to talk deep.
I'm sorry and I don't know what for,
this is all just so random,
not sure you should read this anymore.
So finish your strawberry shake,
and I'll give you mine,
like I've said before,
I’d give you everything,
and my most important time.
Even after I drank that strawberry shake,
my lips still smell like you,
taste like you,
those kisses weren't fake.
I'm still in the mood for another strawberry shake.
How about you?
Maybe tomorrow we'll meet up,
and drink up,
and talk more about you.
Strawberry Shake...

"LYING MY WAY THROUGH YOU…”

I live with you,
but still you break my heart in two.
I cannot be me,
under your roof,
hope you never see,
my life's proof.
dad, you said i should stay at home,
and go to school,
but hiding my life from you is cruel.
mom, you're ready for me to move,
whenever I am ready,
that's nice in a way,
but makes my deciding unsteady.
What I need is your full support,
I WILL NEVER GET THAT,
just receive a negative retort,
and possibly standing out on your doormat.
For some reason,
the first 6 months,
were easy to lie to you,
but life changes,
and I haven't been able to for the past 2.
I looked for advice,
then a wonderful thing happened,
now it's almost impossible to follow that advice.
I can't keep doing this here,
but I can't afford much more.
I won't repeat my 16th year,
walking out your door.
I am stuck in such a hard place,
each day it's you two I face.
Another lie,
more guilt,
another cry,
from your filth.
I am an adult,
but still at young.
I have things to take care of first,
the way I feel now
is the worst.
One day,
I'll think I have to move,
another day,
I think of what I'll loose.
It's hard enough,
trying to live me,
around you.
It's hard enough,
lying through my teeth,
not being true.
I would be true
but I don't have that choice,
you hate who I really am,
yet you don't even understand.
When it rains,
it pours, as some say.
In this case,
that's exactly the way.
Everything is good in my life,
but you.
Everyone else in the family doesn't care,
and since you like conformity,
then why do you care?
I don't judge you anymore,
I leave that up to you.
I am not what you adore,
I don't live my life for you.
So where do I go?
what do I do?
I can't let you know,
about us two.

I can't get our lives to match up,
not talking about me and you two,
but my woman and I.
What she can do,
I can't,
and vise-versa.

You two make this complex,
if I told you,
I can't imagine you reflex.
I am left alone.
I live my life,
and half the time I am lying to you.
Someday I could have my wife,
then what would I tell you?
The thing is...
I don't want you to give us a chance,
you won't anyway,
not even one glance.
You are the sick one,
I can't look too deep in you there,
I'm supposed to be your daughter loved one,
but I am way out there.

You are so proud of me now,
I'm working,
going to school,
planning my future,
and when I mention the fake name
and all the things my woman does for me,
you think it's my best friend doing it all,
and you love her and thank her for that.
See how I can never give you a chance now?
See how you are the one that is odd.
I hate you for this.
I love you for everything else.
That just makes you so imperfect,
and not the greatest mom.

You both are full of conformity,
not full of serenity.
You are bold to the toughest,
and to my heart you’re the roughest.
I'm so sick of your lookings,
sick of your thinkings,
sick of the hunger,
of trying to live this way.
Keep me in health,
don't keep me in your palm.
for college, I need your wealth,
don't mean it that way,
but you said, "if I may..."
you will never know what I really need you to gain,
but then again,
how could I ever explain.
I am lying my way through you...

“YOUR EYES ARE BLOCKED…”

How do you make believe you see me
when you don't even know me?
You don't see me.
How can you face your wall
when you don't know where the wall is?
You say you feel this way,
that way,
every bad way about my choice,
about her,
but fuck you!!
You haven't even let her grow in your mind,
so how can you say what you've said,
when you don't know her.
FUCK YOU!
You say
that you know I am better,
that I am more mature now,
that I am wiser,
that I make the good decisions now,
that within the last year everything with me is different, yet great...
but what I don't get,
is how you can even say that shit,
when you don't even accept me for who I am,
for I have been hiding behind your eyes,
you know who and what I am,
you just deny that you hate that about me,
you think you can take your ways to make things better,
but only I can make a change in my life.
You're right though,
I am more mature, wiser, and better now.
But I know that and she knows that,
only because we know WHO I am...NOT YOU.
It's just a circle,
don't you get it?
It's like this...
I know you won't accept me for me,
so I hide,
and therefore you don't get to know who I really am,
in other words,
your eyes are blocked.
You ALSO don't know my woman,
all that you have said of her,
you have been wrong,
not even close in your facts,
yours "feelings"
it's all just bullshit.
YOU ARE BULLSHIT,
FUCK YOU...
so go on live you're fucking lives,
and someday,
and I hope someday SOON,
I will finally get to live mine,
I mean,
I am already an "adult" as you say...
and yet it's a lot for me that you pay...
I am thankful for that...but it doesn't mean
that hiding and NOT living the safe and happy life,
makes me happy at all.
SHE makes me happy...
so eat it!
I LOVE HER...I know she is good for me,
I am "WISE" and "MATURE" enough to know that obvious view.
----------------
Thank you for supporting me in other ways mom & dad.
but still...you need to get a grip!!!
... ... ... ... ... .. ... ...
Kisses to my girl,
I LOVE YOU...

__________________________________________________

“THE MELTING THIN ICE…I’M HOPING IT WILL STAY FROZEN”

Mom & Dad,
you say you are so proud of me,
I'm in college, working, and learning some ways of life.
time is now but I don't want to leave.
I love you and you love me,
last night you said I get "better" as I get older.
I've learned and grown,
yet still some things I have not shown.
These are things I could not tell you,
for you would disapprove,
I have been hiding this from you for a while.
I hate to lie and deceive you,
but this thing is something I should not have to.
I am who I am,
I love who I love,
but as you see I do good for myself,
I have a good present and future.
I have this feeling from you,
the time that is going by,
makes me feel like I am walking on thin ice,
like it's melting
in the little time I think I have left.
I am hoping for the best,
it would be the best for all of us.
But I'm stuck figuring out what the hell I am going to do.
I going to stop talking about this,
I really don't want to jinx this...
Mom & Dad, remember how you see me now
remember how you feel about me now.
You say you are so proud of me.

*still my kisses to my girl*

“Clutching…”

“IF I…”

“NEVER TO HAVE FREEDOM”

It will never be,
what I don't see,
they're never free.
What I've known,
shine not shown,
Will we grow?
I'll never know.
Little me,
and small you,
we could be free,
clearer than blue.
They won't forget
but I won't forgive.
How do we breath
like a flame,
when we're made of gold.
How do we bleed
all the shame
that we hold.
You're being defeated
by the life you have yet completed.
But don't hold back,
don't make it strength
you lack.
I'll never know
what's inside your head,
your vein had bled,
my mind not dead,

my mind you read.
Spill the red wine,
that once was mine,
that I shared with you,
to make us,
not one,
but two.
I vanished so sweet
gone to meet your greet,
standing on my feet,
naked in public,
not being discreet.
It will never be,
what I don't see,
they're never free.

“TO GENERAL PUBLIC: ‘TO WHERE DOES IT ALL BEGIN?...”

When did it all begin?
When does it all end?
I know there is a middle,
of where everything can blend.
Stop in time to
stop and think.
Clear your air,
not just with a blink.
Bring out all colors,
the dark and light,
don't be like all the followers,
be young and bright.
I think it's good to have the bad,
to have the negative times,
it makes us who we are each day,
it holds our rhymes,
builds our minds,
and strengthens us in each way.
What do you believe?
That there is only an end?
or as some believe,
they have to alwayz begin?
not everything is new,
does that affect you?
It's all your choice,
what you want to do,
are you afraid to mess up?
everyone must get afraid too.
So...have you found the beginning
or found the end?
Tell me,
tell me...